Heart: I was left pondering this question the other morning, after eavesdropping on the conversation of two young women in line for coffee. One of the women was recounting the story of how she’d met a guy at her gym, cute, buff, seemingly interested, and they’d swapped numbers. The “romance” then proceeded to unfold and evaporate solely by text message. At first, she explained, they exchanged flirty, breathy texts anticipating a next encounter, sharing silly thoughts, and teasing out boundaries. Then he went silent. What seemed to be a pause continued into nothing for a while. Finally, she said, she texted him a half hopeful, “hey, how’s it going?” only to receive a friendly but cold response, unworthy of follow up. Clearly the sparkle had inexplicably burned out till all that remained was a slightly chilled disinterest. I thought back to my early dating years, and recalled the thrill of being swept off my feet—sometimes literally—by a real person, real arms, real breath close to mine. Even the endings were real. Real disappointment. Real heartbreak. But still very real, very rich life experiences that I wouldn’t change for the world. Feelings that even now bring a happy smile to my face. I was never more alive than when I was being swept off my feet. But now, text messaging seems to have introduced a whole new, unanticipated layer of prescreening and I wondered if those young women will ever experience the thrill of being swept off their feet in quite the same way. Or perhaps it’s just a different thrill ….. Cog, what do you think?
Cog: 8-/ Hi Heart, that was supposed to be an emoticon for rolling my eyes. Texting offers a false sense of intimacy. The man is keen to be with you (the interested female), but the women just keeps sending cute texts. Essentially, the dude above became emotionally exhausted after the first round of texts. My suggestion then would be to keep texting light and to the point, focus on interesting ways to meet up with friends or plan a couple event. Once a few dates are behind you, text flirting can escalate a bit, as long as it doesn’t overshadow actually being together. Oh and don’t try and switch to faux bromance texting (“Hey, did you see the Warriors game, defense sucked …”) to get his attention, you’ll be relegated to just friend, not interested in dating, and maybe he’ll send totally dude humor at you that will feel just weird.
Yours truly, H&C